It’s All Connected

The link that connects all four cornerstones of my foundation is undeniable. Each pillar constantly relies upon, while simultaneously reinforcing, every other. The cornerstones are certainly capable of existing in isolation, but any growth depends on a solid foundation. My secure personal foundation is comprised of four distinct cornerstones working in concert.

A journey in self-awareness, of understanding how my foundation exists and operates and permits me to either thrive or struggle, must begin with identification and exploration of those four elements. Upon closer inspection though irrefutable connections—linked lifelines—bind the cornerstones together.

I have shared understanding of my personal pillars of physical wellbeing and emotional wellbeing. Before progressing further into insights of the other two cornerstones, I’d like to take a moment to recognize a very pertinent personal example of the link between the emotional and physical.

 

Everything was connected. 

 

A year and a half ago I was embarking on the second semester of graduate school. I was living with the woman of my dreams and work was incredible. I was so amazingly busy. I loved it. Life had changed in every way shape and form.

Early one morning, really early, my phone started ringing off the hook. It didn’t stop. I finally rolled over to see what the hell was going on. The message: my uncle had killed himself in my mom’s apartment the night before. It was drugs and mental illness wrapped up in a horrific tragedy. My mom was right there when it happened. She was devastated.

Around this time, I had been experiencing troubling symptoms with my body that I’d been doing my best to ignore. Try though I might to ignore the fear or push it out of my mind, I couldn’t. The symptoms persisted, and worsened, and I could disregard them no longer.

Roughly one week after my uncle committed suicide, I finally mustered up the courage (because I was terrified that something was really wrong with me) to go to the doctor’s office. She explained that it was incredibly urgent I proceed without delay on a course of testing because she strongly intimated that it could be colon cancer. I walked out to my truck, rattled. Thinking the worst. My phone had buzzed while in the doctor’s office and I listened to a message from my dad, he said my aunt had just died.

Everything kept piling up. It got to a point where I would cringe whenever my phone would ring. My girlfriend had a very serious cancer scare, as well. A week later, my buddy at work cut his thumb off in a gruesome accident with a circular saw.  It just wouldn’t stop.

As I mentioned, this was already one of the, to date, most harried stretches of my entire life. I was dealing with new responsibilities that I had never encountered before. It was all unchartered waters for me. I tend to seek out the comfort of familiarity, because there is safety in what I know. I do not thrive in those conditions. But they are a safe crutch for me and provide a security blanket.

So, there I was, in the most chaotic, turbulent moments of my life. Things seemed to be going to hell all around me. I neglected my physical wellbeing (by ignoring the clear signs my body was sending and refusing to go to the doctor), and in so doing, invited an unhealthy emotional obsession over my health and what I sensed to be a terrible diagnosis on the horizon. The obsession grew to occupy nearly every waking moment. I’d ignored my physical wellbeing and the primary impact manifested as emotional distress and undermined every facet of my emotional health.

Life kept on coming and my emotional state wavered. I spent less and less time acting upon key factors that contribute to my physical wellbeing, such as working out, eating healthy, and getting plenty of sleep. This cycle started to spiral downward in a hurry. The greater the degree of emotional strain or deterioration, the less likely I was to contribute to my physical wellbeing. As my physical condition suffered, it further added to emotional strain.

I could no longer disregard the tremendous impact one facet of my life had on the other. The truth is that when they are existing symbiotically, drawing power and strength from each other, I am not entirely aware of the connection. But as I neglect these cornerstones, the negative impact becomes undeniable.

This time in my life, as all times do, passed. I had so much help walking through it, and everything, as it always turns out to be, was okay. I came to learn that there are no “big deals” in life, just a changing set of circumstances. Things hurt more at times in life than others, which is okay. Things should hurt sometimes. If it weren’t occasional pain, I wouldn’t have perspective on how beautiful my life is most all the time. I learned that pain in life is mandatory, but suffering is optional. I chose to continue suffering because I chose to neglect my foundational cornerstones. What helped pull me back into a place of healing was by focusing on my other pillars—mental and spiritual wellbeing.

Please share your experiences of building and maintaining a healthy, strong foundation in your own life. We can share our understanding of how to build a better version of ourselves, and by doing that, we can share our understanding of how to build a better world.

 

 

 

 

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